Because He is who He is and I am who I am, I must inspire to be all that I can be in Him because He is by the very definition of His being is all that He can be. I can move forward or backward, and I often do, yet He constantly stays the same because He is constant. He is Sovereign, Holy, Just, Merciful, Gracious and Righteous. I, myself, am a mess.

Our strength comes from above

I was talking to a man the other day who was down and out in several ways. In the midst of his trials he was questioning where God was in his situation and why God was not present where he could see him. He was caught in the middle of dire-straights in his life and not finding any answers. He needed God and he needed Him now. I did assure him that God was with him and that God had not left him to fend for himself. He did not just need the wisdom of God; he also needed the strength that God provides us when going through a test or trial. We all face trial and tribulations, we all are tempted and at times they feel as if they are way above that which we can handle and can rightfully be so without the strength and love of God in our lives.

One truth that I have learned is that God does not give us all the divine strength we need for our Christian walk the day that we trusted Christ as Saviour. If He did so we would not need Him. The strength of God is available when we need it but it is not here with us always. If it were many Christians would use and or abuse His strength either knowingly or unknowingly. David assures for us this truth in Psalm 31:19 which says “Oh, how great is Your goodness, which You have laid up for those who fear You, which You have prepared for those who trust in You in the presence of the sons of men!” We see in this passage that David had a need for the strength of God and he also realized that it was there waiting for him. David realized that God’s goodness has been stored up for those who fear Him for those who trust in Him. I do believe that our part in this is to work at keeping the storage tank full and the lines of communication open. We do so through reading and studying the Word of God, notice what it says here in Psalm 119:11, “Your word I have hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You.”

His strength is ready to be tapped into when needed. We find many applications to this throughout Scripture as seen in the prophets of old. When a prophet needed the strength of God, He provided it. This is true for us today, we do not receive the strength of God before we need it, but He does assure us that we never receive it too late. Isaiah 43:2, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you.” God’s grace and mercies are daily applications and provisions. The promise we receive from God is to be with us in our sorrow and afflictions. He does not spare us from the trials, when we go through the waters of sorrow and the fires of adversity but He will go through them with us.

I would like to point out another passage in Isaiah where we find this prophet records the Words of the Lord, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’” (Isaiah 41:10) Notice that God is speaking to Isaiah; He tells Isaiah that He will be with him, He will strengthen him and He will uphold him, why? Because the Lord God was his God, Isaiah had a personal relationship with the Lord and one of the benefits of that relationship is a personal closeness. These promises are yours today if you are Christ’s, “…For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’” (Hebrews 13:5) What a great promise, that He will be there for us. This great promise is also seen in 2 Corinthians 1:5, “For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also abounds through Christ.” In what ever view we take of adversity we find that God’s grace and mercy is as abundant as it is sufficient.

The truth being that not only is His love sufficient and abundant, we find that His love is more than adequate for our every need, Romans 8:39, “Nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

We can see that throughout the scriptures that God loves us with an unfailing love He does so to affirm His love toward us and to establish the fact that it He, along with this love, is there for us. One interesting side note here is that it does not matter whether we believe it or not, God’s love is there standing ever sure for those who are His. The love that God has for us is found in the very heart of God and grounded in the truth of His word. It is not something that we can obtain on our own, nor can we create it on our own, it exists solely in and of God. Our ability to take part in and experience this love depends on our relationship with Him and our belief in Him and His Word. Our faith and belief in Him and the truth of His word will help to establish the comfort needed and received from this love. Those outside of Christ have no relationship with Him and do not receive His love first hand.

Now it is no secret that Satan will make every effort to attempt to get us to doubt this fact but he cannot destroy the love that we have in Christ. He is a deceiver and the accuser of the brethren. One thing that can and will help in this area is our being in the Word of God. This will build up our assurance in Christ and this assurance will confirm the Love that He has for us. We will all struggle from time to time with doubts about God and will do so as long as Satan is free to roam about. One thing we learn from a strong assurance in Christ is that His love is ever present with us even in the midst of a trial.

The important truth to learn here is that if we never went through a trial, if we never had a struggle in life, our faith would not grow, it would have no need to. Trials bring on distress, anxiety fear and need. They are what drive us to the foot of the Cross and to the throne of God for Help. Psalm 13:1, “How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me?” It is there in His presence that we can bathe in His Grace and Mercy. It is there that we begin to relish in His strength, and we can sing with David as he sang. “But I have trusted in Your mercy; my heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.”(Psalm 13:5)

Just a Pirate Motto?

I recently sat through the fourth installment of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” saga if you will and right at the end of the movie before the credits rolled Captain Jack Sparrow and Mr. Gibbs exchanged a statement that is very familiar with the two and that was, “Take what you can, give nothing back.” I chuckled with the rest of the audience when I heard it but then, as I often do, I pondered over it.

This is the motto of a violent time in history. It was the theme of those who lived and cared for self and self only. Their goal was to live just a head of their impending judgment. Sadly enough, it sound like the headlines in America today except for one thing, a pirate knew or at least realized that there was an ultimate price to pay up ahead. He knew that the next corner could be his last; always keeping an eye on the horizon for the doom that was after him. They knew who they were running from and knew they were after them. Many of them even had a fear of God in them as well.

In our world today there appears to be no such fear in the majority of the population. They live life to the fullest fearing nothing. “Take what you can, give nothing back.” They take what they can; even the sanctity of life has little meaning to them. Life has no sacred quality to them any more. They take a life and when they get caught they take their own life to keep from being punished. The first life taken makes it easier to take the second even if the second is their own.

There is no remorse; there is no guilt, only selfish motives and desires. They appear to be driven by the very base nature of man, running rampant trying to satisfy the selfish desires that flood the heart.

Today’s generation thinks that they are in the right as most generations have. The sad truth to this is that they have not a clue as to how far to the left they are. They have swung so hard and so far to the left that they have wrapped themselves around center and are in the right camp but soundly in the left philosophy. You can hear their “right thinking” in the majority of their conversations. Stating things such as, “I have the right to be happy,” “I have a right to have a cell phone.” “I have a right to get on the internet, to have a ‘My Space’ or ‘Facebook’ account.” It is sad to see that this is the way of life of kids and adults alike.

What do you say to someone today that has no grasp of sin? What do you say to those who have no idea or concept of right or wrong? There is neither fear of God in their heart nor fear of Satan in their eyes. They are right, the world is wrong and to prove them wrong you may have to talk until you are blue in the face

So where am I going with this? Right back to the Word of God, that’s where. Ecclesiastes 1:9 says, “That which has been is what will be, that which is done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.” Did you notice that last statement? There is nothing new under the sun. This problem has been around for a long time it is just more prominent than ever before. It is almost as if we are going backward in morality as we move forward in time. This era we are in reminds me of the mentality of the people in the time of the judges. Judges 17:6 says, “In those days there was no king in Israel; everyone did what was right in his own eyes.” Another verse that comes to mind is Proverbs 14:12 which says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.” This generation is not fooling any one not even themselves they are very aware of their own selfishness. Scripture says this about their selfishness, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.” Proverbs 14:12

We must approach them as Christ Himself did in love and stern truth. “Call for Parlay,” as the Pirates say, answer their questions and ask your own. Be diligent and remember it will take time, it may become painful but it is what we are to do. Do not give up; your stand must be unyielding because eternity is at stake. What ever you do, do not compromise, you have the truth and the truth will take care of itself. Above all, give them Christ; give them scripture for the Holy Spirit to work with. Do so with passion and compassion and Christ will prevail.

Let their motto be “Take what you can, give nothing back.” We will respond back with, “Give them Christ, hold nothing back.”

Smile and wave boy’s smile and wave

As I sat in the service last week watching all that was going on I found myself starting to drift off or back away from that which was going on. I was not so much daydreaming as I was experiencing an out of service experience if you will. After being in ministry for some 25 plus years I now find myself taking a seat and watching. This is an odd experience for any pastor. Sitting in the service is not what you do, you serve. We all know that there will be and are times when you go to visit a service or have someone speak at your church and you sit and listen to that which the Lord has to say. It is when you do so week in and week out that you begin to feel as if something is missing. Then again it is not so much that something is missing as it is a feeling of emptiness. That which you loved, that which has been your passion for so long has been taken away from you and life as you once knew it is slowly passing you by. You feel as if all you can do is just stand there and watch. Much like bystanders in a parade, you “ooh and aah” as the floats pass by but the time between each float you feel empty and emotionless.

The truth is that God does not want us to just sit and watch He wants us to work. He wants us to stay active and stay in the wok of the ministry. What most people do not realize is that preaching is just the cream of the ministry and takes up just a small part of that which they believe is the job of the pastor. Preaching is not the work of the ministry caring for the flock of God, that is the work. An old professor and pastor friend of mine used to say, “You can shake any given tree and 20 or more preachers will fall out of it but you have to look long and hard to find a man of God a man who will pastor the fold.” What he was referring to is that all believers are called in one way or another to preach the word. Many of the young men in churches today can preach a message or two. After all the definition of a preacher is one who proclaims the message of God. Preachers can be found almost anywhere and our churches today are full of them. Their passion is to proclaim the Word and they can do so with fire and passion but very few of them can pastor, very few are called into the part of the ministry.

What is missing in the church today are those who have a heart for the ministry who are called to “Pastor” the flock, to “Shepherd the flock” of God. The word pastor in the Bible is a translation of the Greek word “poimaino.” That is a fair definition but the true definition of “poimaino” means “to shepherd.” Just as literal shepherds care for and protect a flock of sheep, so likewise pastors are to care for and protect the congregation spiritually. We see this in 1 Peter 5:2, “Shepherd the flock of God which is among you, serving as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly, not for dishonest gain but eagerly;” In other words care for the flock of God, protect them as the precious gift that they are. Today we have it backward, so much concern is given by the flock for the preacher and the preaching of the word that they often overlook the position that they are called to which is to “Shepherd ‘poimaino’” the flock.

All who God has called to minister are to care for His bride of which the church is. Preaching is a part of that ministry but caring, protecting and maturing is the bigger and greater part of that call. It is with this complete understanding of the role of the shepherd that I can continue to pastor the flock of God. This is what God has called me and many others to do, we are to care for and protect His bride. We cannot all be the pastor of the church but we can continue to shepherd and be a part of the whole. We can minister to the flock by caring for them, maturing them, mending and restoring them as God would have us do while the preacher does the more public work of the ministry.

As we counsel and care for individuals and small groups of the church it is with the understanding that we are all a part of the whole. It is a chase bride that we are preparing for the Lord Jesus as mentioned in 2 Corinthians 11:2. In doing so we follow that which was mentioned by the apostle Paul in I Corinthians 3:6-7, “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase. (7) So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase.” In other words, some sow, some water but it is God who gives the increase. I was reminded of this thought the other day. It is a truth that we are all in this work together for the fulfillment of the Word and the work of God.

AS I sit here and reflect upon this I am reminded of a cartoon series called the “The Penguins of Madagascar,” In this series we find a group of penguins doing what they can to keep the zoo functioning smoothly. They do so behind the scenes. The “Skipper” (who is the lead penguin) has been know to say to the rest of his team after a task was done but did not want to be recognized, “Smile and wave boys, smile and wave.” We can and should do so as we do the work of the ministry that God has called us to do. As we faithfully fulfill the call of God in our lives and as the church moves forward it is our goal that He is to receive the Glory.

So when the task is done and the accolades are given, we simply and graciously stand at the side and “Smile and wave boys, smile and wave.” It is Jesus who is to get the glory; it is Jesus who deserves the praise.

This attitude is unacceptable!

You stated several times, “I am not going to make it through this? I will fail.” I must tell you that stating “I am not going to make it,” is a defeatist attitude and that is unacceptable. If you plan to fail you will fail. You are not the first to go through a rough divorce, and you are not the first believer to go through one nor are you going to be the last. God tells us that there will be testing’s and trials. No one knew that better than the Apostle Paul, “And when they had preached the gospel to that city and made many disciples, they returned to Lystra, Iconium, and Antioch, (22) strengthening the souls of the disciples, exhorting them to continue in the faith, and saying, ‘We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God.’” (Acts 14:21-22) That last statement says a lot, “We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God.” Paul tells us that there will be “Many Tribulations.” This is something to which the apostle Paul could honestly testify since he did suffer “Many Tribulations.” If in the Scriptures testify to this then all believers will have to endure them.

Read this brief note from C.H. Spurgeon, “God’s people have their trials. It was never designed by God, when He chose His people, that they should be an untried people. They were chosen in the furnace of affliction; they were never chosen to worldly peace and earthly joy. Freedom from sickness and the pains of mortality was never promised them; but when their Lord drew up the charter of privileges, He included chastisements amongst the things to which they should inevitably be heirs. Trials are a part of our lot; they were predestinated for us in Christ’s last legacy. So surely as the stars are fashioned by his hands, and their orbits fixed by Him, so surely are our trials allotted to us: He has ordained their season and their place, their intensity and the effect they shall have upon us. Good men must never expect to escape troubles; if they do, they will be disappointed, for none of their predecessors have been without them. Mark the patience of Job; remember Abraham, for he had his trials, and by his faith under them, he became the ‘Father of the faithful.’ Note well the biographies of all the patriarchs, prophets, apostles, and martyrs, and you shall discover none of those whom God made vessels of mercy, who were not made to pass through the fire of affliction. It is ordained of old that the cross of trouble should be engraved on every vessel of mercy, as the royal mark whereby the King’s vessels of honour are distinguished. But although tribulation is thus the path of God’s children, they have the comfort of knowing that their Master has traversed it before them; they have His presence and sympathy to cheer them, His grace to support them, and His example to teach them how to endure; and when they reach ‘the kingdom,’ it will more than make amends for the ‘much tribulation’ through which they passed to enter it.” (We must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom of God, C.H. Spurgeon)

Spurgeon knew of the great tribulations and was known to suffer great bouts of depression but he continued on as did Paul when he suffered the many tribulations that he went through. Believers are not new to tribulations but when we go through them they are new and real to us but we can learn from others who have suffered and gone through them. I like that last statement “…God’s children, … have the comfort of knowing that their Master has traversed it before them; they have His presence and sympathy to cheer them, His grace to support them, and His example to teach them how to endure;” How wonderful it is knowing that He is there and will continue on with us through the trials and tribulations that we suffer.

Divorce is an unnatural act in the kingdom and realm of God; it is a tearing apart of that which God had intended to remain together. Notice what Jesus said in Mark 10:6-9, “But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ (7) For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, (8) and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. (9) Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.’” If we take a closer look at verse 8 we see that He tells us that “the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.” When we make that covenant with God we became one flesh in the eyes of God. Divorce is more than just a separation it is, as I earlier stated, a tearing apart of that which God had put together as one.

When one party divorces the other they do just that, they tear or rip apart that which God joined together. What ever the reason, what ever the cause it is always painful and not natural in the eyes of God. What we are called to do after divorce is unnatural to the state of man. We are to join ourselves back to God as we were before marriage and look at that relationship as that which He would have us to have. “Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. (35) And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.” (1 Corinthians 7:27 & 35) The problem you are experiencing now is you are bogged down in your desire for that which has been ripped from you. Your life is not over, you need to move forward but you will never move forward beyond where you are unless you accept the fact that this chapter of your life is now over.

Can God put it back together? Certainly. Will He? I do not know but what I do know is that His plan for you is to live your life for Him. Everyone who has gone through a divorce must do their best to move closer to Him, and focus on Him and above all wait upon Him. If you do not move on toward God you will bog down where you are and it will be there in the mire you will stay, anchored to your past. Soon to be caught up in the dull drums of self pity, stagnate in life reliving the past in your mind always looking back. With your focus on self and the past that which you try to do for God is lost in the downward spiral that you are trapped in. Remember what Jesus said to those who said that they wanted to follow him? “And another also said, ‘Lord, I will follow You, but let me first go and bid them farewell who are at my house.’ (62) But Jesus said to him, ‘No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.’” (Luke 9:61-62)

Moving on is hard enough to do but when we add to that the idea of letting go of someone or something it makes us realize that we cannot do this thing called life by ourselves. We need help and we need His help most of all, it is Christ that gives us the strength to let go, to move on, and to live life again. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

You ask how do I do that? How do I move on, how do I get past this? You do so by not looking back, forget anniversaries of past hurts’ and failures. They are the past and that is where they belong, “in the past.” They are not to be used a milestones for the future. They are not the ornaments we need for our future life. Our present and future belong to Christ and He must be where our focus is to lie. Notice what Paul says in Philippians 3:13-14, “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, (14) I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

You are starting life over, you are faced with a new life, new relationship with God. Move away from the Maelstrom that is drawing you down and sucking the life out of you. Step forward facing God; He loves you and desires the new relational fellowship that He is offering you. It is not until you break free from the past, until you put it behind you that you will be able to experience the wealth of a new relationship with Christ.

Taking a short stroll through Philippians 3:7-10

After several years in ministry and many more as a member of the kingdom of God I can surely and securely say that I am fully aware of my relationship with Christ and that it is a blessing to be secure in that relationship. I have known many pastors, preachers, evangelists, Christian workers and laymen over my 35 years as a believer but those that come across or have stated their relational security in Christ have been few and far between. Please do not think that I am saying that all of these people that I have known are lost, I am not saying that. Nor am I saying that they were not safe and secure in Christ. What I am referring to is that the majority of them knew only the legal aspect of their salvation and never experienced the true freedom and blessing that we have once we understand our relational position in Him.


There is a passage in Scripture which says, “I had But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. (8) Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ (9) and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; (10) That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death,” (Philippians 3:7-10). I had preached on this passage several times over my 20 years of pulpit ministry and I know that the Apostle Paul had a deeper meaning to this other than what I had thought it to mean. I am safe in my relationship with Christ so I know him but it wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I really understood Paul’s thought process. What I have and what I continue to gain in life are nothing in the light of eternity. They are nothing in the light and presence of Christ. He is all in all and all I really want in this life.


Like most, I have a wife and family, I have a job that produces the funds needed to survive. I have a ministry within the local church. All is good but all is nothing in the light of my precious Savior. Paul stated in verse 8, “Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ.” After we receive Christ as savior we at best are His beloved brethren which is a wonderful thought but we are more than that, we are His slaves. He owns us and as a true master is conscious of our needs, our wants and works in and through us to meet them or give us understanding of why not. Paul said “I also count all things loss…” why? Was he giving up? Not so, he understood that all else drastically pales in the light of His presence. If we allow things to get in the way of this relationship the relationship truly suffers. His goal was to “count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus…” He wanted nothing to get in the way of this relationship. Once we truly begin to understand all that we have in Christ we too can begin to understand this thought of Paul’s.


Why most fail to experience this closeness is his statement, “… for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, ...” We let the things of this world grasp a tight hold upon us and actually stunt the possibility of our growth in Christ. Paul wants us to go the extra mile so that you can freely understand and grow in our relationship with Christ. It is only then that we can learn that there is nothing here on earth that is worth getting in the way of the preciousness of this relationship. Paul concludes verse 8 by saying, “…and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ.” Not only are we to learn to let go of earthly things but we need to see them as what they are. They are rubbish, they are scrap in the presence of Christ. Many hold onto the scrap pile longing for a relationship with Him but their hold upon things will not let them reach for that which the Lord Jesus offers us. When we do so we soon learn to understand the depth of verse 9 which says, “And be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith;”


We are not just in Christ but we are found righteous in Him because He has given /extended to us His righteousness. Righteousness that is given to us by grace through faith, notice, “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, (9) not of works, lest anyone should boast. (10) For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:8-10) It is through grace and saving faith that we receive the Righteousness of Christ. We are as Paul said, His workmanship we are his property but above all we are His beloved.


I want to finish this thought looking back at Philippians 3:10, “That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death.” It is because of faith that we can obtain his righteousness. For some that is good enough, for some they are content just know that they are saved but it was not enough for me. As I continued to study the Word of God and labored in prayer for a better knowledge of Christ I finally received that for which I asked and now because of His Grace I can plead as Paul, “That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death.” I do know Him better and more intimately than ever before. I also have both the knowledge of this relationship but also a fear of displeasing Him. Along with this knowledge comes “the fellowship of his suffering” this includes the rejection of those we call brethren, of those that we call friend. This includes the ability to overlook their faults, their reasoning’s and their imperfections and see Christ. In doing so, I have found and experience this passage including the last statement which says, “…being conformed to His death.” Without trying to sound super pious and Holy, I believe that I have learned that sometime being conformed to His death means to do and recognize His will and place it over mine. It shows me that His will be done and He can get the glory even when I do not see it or it hurts me in the end. I can clearly state that this week I have found a closeness in the Lord through rejection that I have ever known and I praise His name for it.

Hold that Sword!

I often sit across the desk from couples both young and old, married for years or just recently. They come to me with a plethora of marital problems or stumbling blocks and many expect an immediate return for their visit. They come in expecting that I will take one side over the other. The only side that I am to take much to their chagrin is that of God’s. After allowing them time to lay their cards on the table, to lay out their issues and sometime to vent, I begin by letting them know that with God there is hope. More often than not one of the major issues that people have is that they lack communication. They may talk to each other but they fail to communicate with each other. As a matter of fact, by the time they come to me, most of the communication between many couples is in the form of yelling or strait out accusations in nature. Here is a couple that had come together with visions of grandeur. They had come together as two in love ready to board the ship called marriage and sail off into the sunset of life. Now after a dose of reality they are at whit’s end. The glamour of marriage had manifested itself into something that neither party had expected. They come face to face with the reality that the person they thought that they married was in fact just a front to please the other. Now committed to one another in the commitment of marriage all they let the façade fall and the real personalities are manifested back into shapes of laziness, anger, bitterness and selfishness. The pristine ship that sailed off into the sunset now sails into my office resembling something like the Flying Dutchman from “Pirates of the Caribbean.” Sails worn and tattered, the hull showing signs of being dashed against the rocks. The gunnels damaged because of enemy fire and sitting heavy in the water due to the excess baggage it now carries. The once happy crew is now bitter and sad after facing many hours of rough seas, heavy winds and tumultuous storms. Instead of a couple they now look more like two people who cant wait to find a safe harbor in hopes to abandon ship. Couples come in with their own agenda in mind saying that they communicate but resemble Captain Jack Sparrow and Davy Jones at then end of “At World’s End”. Earnestly attacking each other with the goal to win and at the same time the ship is in dire straits as it is caught in a Maelstrom (a very powerful whirlpool). I am of course using this film sequence as a metaphorical picture of this couples marriage going down “the proverbial toilet” because they fail to recognize the damage that they are doing to each other or to the marriage. When we argue with someone it is your full intent to win. No one ever gets into an argument to lose it. We are in it to win, no matter the cost. We are to win even to the harm of the one we are arguing with. All too often couples will argue with one another causing undue harm to one another because they have to win, refusing to give ground, even to the one that they love. The Bible clearly tell us in Ephesians 4 that we are to speak to each other, “…’Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,’ for we are members of one another.” (Ephesians 4:25) In the eyes of God a couple is one, made one flesh in marriage and we are on in Christ as well. We must remember that this verse reminds every couple that we must speak to each other. Next we find in Ephesians 4:15 that Paul says that we are to speak and that we are to do so in love, “…speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head, Christ.” Speaking the truth in love means no hurtful or cutting words. Remove your selfish desires and motives remembering that words can and do cut deep. Who ever coined the words, “Sticks and stones may break my bones (but words will never hurt me,” must have lived alone somewhere because words truly do hurt. So when we do speak we are to do so in love, we do so lovingly. Finally, “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.” (Ephesians 4:29). So before you go charging in like Captain Jack, prepared to hack and cut away at your partner that God tells us that this type of communication is NOT allowed. If we follow His rules of communication we find that we can get our point across in love and at the same time save the relationship with our spouse.