It is morning and as I get ready to face the day I must stand in front of
the mirror one last time before leaving the house. I ask myself, am I ready to face the
day? As I stand there evaluating my
reflection I often think what do others see when they see me? Do they see me and every aspect of my
character or do they see Jesus in me? I
must admit that one of the greatest fears that I face every day is that my boys
will pick up my angers, my attitude, my bitterness and my prejudices and
overlook the values and character traits that I have been trying to teach them. These are the things that I struggle to keep
under control daily; they are part of my daily battle. These traits if you will have been a part of
my past and some of them exist as my struggle in life, a daily battle if you
will to keep them in check and under control.
As I do so I also fear that in my struggle to suppress the negative
traits they will only see a suppressed version of the positive. The one trait that I want them to pick up
from me is my love for Christ and my desire to serve Him. I don't want them to grow up angry, I don't
want them to grow bitter what I do want is for them to grow up in Christ. I have tried to teach them and give them the truths
that will strengthen them in Christ and will provide them with the assurance that
resides in a solid and sound relationship with Christ. A relationship with Jesus is precious, it is
too precious to pass on, He is too precious to not make sure but those that God
places in our lives are not aware of that relationship. Many people today are quick to say that they know
of Christ, some of them will step up to say that they personally know Him but
sadly very few can truly say that they are in love with Him. In this life we have no guarantee of riches, no guarantee of a reward, no guarantee of prosperity but there is one promise, one guarantee we can have and that is we can have a relationship with Jesus. This is one promise that He offers all but few fail to accept. Jesus Himself said in Matthew 7:14, “…narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.” The knowledge of this truth saddens me because in the world in which we live there are so many things that are vying for our attention all struggling to present themselves as the only one that is needed. In the midst of all of these attractions is the enemy who is aggressively battling for my boy’s attention. The enemy is seeking to grasp a hold on their hearts and mind to keep theme from knowing Jesus. This is hard enough for each parent to battle, I do not want to add my faults to that list, and I do not want them to go astray because of my idiosyncrasies. I often struggle with verses such as Numbers 14:18 which says, “The LORD is longsuffering, and of great mercy, forgiving iniquity and transgression, and by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation.” Other passages such as Exodus 20:5 and Deuteronomy 5:9 warn us of this very same thing. Sometimes I wonder if the sins that are visited on our children are the character traits that they glean from our past. As parents we are all well aware of the fact that our children pick up our habits and mannerisms without out directly teaching them. They do so just by being around us just by our being with them.
Another passage of scripture that comes to my mind is Ephesians 6:4, “fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” I know that this verse is one that few fathers are familiar and fewer yet attempt to live up to. Yet the commitment the verse calls us all to keep from provoking our children to anger and we do so by teaching them how to know and love the Lord. If we do not do so instead of teaching them Jesus I am teaching them how to be me. With that thought I am reminded of the warning “Beware lest somehow this liberty of yours become a stumbling block to those who are weak.” (I Corinthians 8:9) Both of these passages make me cringe when I read them because they are stout warnings to all of us who are responsible for others in our care.
In the Ephesians 6:4 passage we find a direct message to fathers that we should be cautious in raising our children, we must take care not to provoke them to wrath. It can be that our idiosyncrasies that will alienate their minds from us and from Jesus. If we are not careful in the raising of our children we will soon find that our lifestyle can and will lead them down the same paths that we have taken and to follow the same sinful practices. All too often they will follow our actions more than they will follow the instructions that we give them. The old adage goes, “actions speak louder than our words.” With this in mind we must never forget that sin, such as anger, provides a path for Satan to lead them down and to keep them in an angry lifestyle. This life style is at odds against God and it is difficult for the best of men to be angry and not sin. We also see this passage again in the Word of God, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” (Colossians 3:21) I do worry about our boys; I do try to engulf myself heavily in prayer and the Word for them and because of them. The responsibility for the boys, as long as they live at home, rests with me in the eyes of God. As head of the household I am responsible and being human, I must sadly admit, I fail. It is not easy as a matter of fact it can be quite hard at times, and it is often a very humbling experience. My desire is to educate them in the things of Christ, the things of the world and how they relate and interact with each other. My aspirations for them is that they will remember that our longing, our desire was to be an instructor and not an enabler. I want them learn with me in spite of my failures not teach them to be angry because of them.
What troubles me more is that it appears that many of the parents of each new generation become more of an enabler to their children than the one before. We do want them to have more than we had at their age, to have things better than we did, we want them to be safe but at what cost do we give them these things? I believe that too often that which we are giving them is at the sacrifice of their experiential learning. Each new generation is at risk because we provide more and more for our children and in turn they expect more and more. Their expectations are met from the hands of the parents and not from their own personal gain. So they are brought up with an expectation and an entitlement attitude. Hand out and mouth open and are quick to get angry when they are not given that what they ask for. As adults we have what we have because we earned it, they have what they have because we gave it to them. It does not have value to them because it was not personally achieved, it was simply received.
One final question that comes to mind is, “Where do we draw the line?” Some will say that when they act out we need to practice what is called tough love and there are time that this is true. Sadly many who do practice tough love it is often too late. They have raised the child to receive, to hold out their hand and to expect. Then when the times get hard, when discipline is needed they get angry, they don’t understand why it is needed nor why we withhold things from them or fail to be there for them and they become even angrier. They are new to this because they have only been taught to receive that which lies within their expectations. Neither the child nor the parents really know how to respond because they have not been taught to expect nor react to the negative. The truth is, they are not a product of an Ephesians 6:4 home. We must step up and face the fact that some of the responsibility for their position in life stems from the home we raised them in. There are times that love hurts because it has to. There also comes a time when it is better (if possible) to by-pass the pain and correct the error before the hurt has been inflicted. As parents we are always called to instruct and in many cases this can be done before it has gone so far it cannot be undone.
The paths that our boys will take once they are grown up and on their own are going to be ones that splinter off of the paths that I lead them down now. We must do our best to help their future to not be restricted because of their, our, past. We do so by helping them to not allow their past regrets to hinder their future joys and we do so by helping them to make right choices early in life. For it is all too often future joys are overshadowed and hindered by past regrets. If we do our best to raise them in a non-wrathful lifestyle there is a greater chance that they will not face a life of regret but one of hopeful opportunity.
With that out of the way I am ready to start another day. As I face this new day I am off but I know that at the end of the day I will have to face the reflection in the mirror and must ask myself how did I do today? Did I do all that I could to help or did I place more stumbling blocks to hinder? Will I be ready to do it all over again in the morning?
