Taking Time to Help and to Heal / Part II

Counseling is my passion and my calling, to be able to take the Word of God and applying it to their problems of those who are hurting and see The Holy Spirit work is just an amazing blessing. Being able to see people change and heal because of the Word is an indescribable experience. What hurts or bothers me more are not the problems that people have but the bad counseling that they have received prior to coming to the office or church where our counseling ministry is.

The Apostle Paul was well aware of what the pressures of helping others can do and knew that he had keep his heart and mind focused upon God. Like Paul we must not allow the pressures of helping others to wear us down at the same time we must not lose heart in helping them. We have had to help those who have fallen into some snares that they had not anticipated.

First, I have noticed that some counselors get caught up in helping others with their burdens that they unfortunately get caught up in the praise received from the one they are helping. This is a danger that Paul mentions, “For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.” (Galatians 6:3) I have often been told and passed on the belief that one of the worst forms of deception is self deception, thinking yourself better than you are. It is easy to get caught up in the accolades and forget to remember that we are a vessel of God first and that He is the one who does the work not the counselor, we are just the tool that He uses. God is faithful to His Word so that through their counsel those who are hurting to rise above their problem. It is unfortunate that some counselors will at the same time take the opportunity to exalt themselves. In the end they will find themselves crashing and burning because it is not long before they are in a situation far greater than they can handle. Sadly they have a tendency to pull others down with them as they fall. The Word of God clearly tells us, “But let each one examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.” (Galatians 6:4) The Bible also says, “For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.” (Romans 12:3)

Second, I have also noticed that some counselors may get so involved in helping others with their burdens that their own get laid aside and accumulate adding an oppressive weight that catches will catch up with them. They may be able to help the one hurting raise up above their problem but fall to their own because they are drained in the battle helping other at the expense of their own. They become a casualty to the pressures of their own problems and feel as if they are trapped as if being stuck in mire, not able to move even one inch. Paul’s warning against this is found in Galatians, “For each one shall bear his own load.” (Galatians 6:5) We need to make sure that we pay attention to our own burdens. If we are to help others with their’s burdens, we counselor at the same time must not lose sight of our own burdens. We must be careful that we are not lost in the battle by being over come by our own burdens. I am reminded of Matthew 6:34 which says, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Through the help of God we can help others at the same time not neglect burdens of our own.

Third, another danger that I have noticed that counselors face is failing to deal with issue separation. This is an issue that we have to be very leery of. We are responsible for our own burdens as noted above in Galatians 6:5 and we are also responsible to help others with theirs as Paul stated in Galatians 6:2. If the counselor does not provide a release; if there is no outlet for the pressures they may face; they may soon succumb to the problems of others. They soon find themselves unable to separate the counselee’s problems from their own. By not maintaining a certain level of separation they may soon face a different kind of separation from friends and family as they draw to close to the counselee. Soon after, they may even believe they experience a separation from the Lord himself. Paul states in verse 9, “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” Part of the weariness that we are to be constantly on guard against is the possibility of being overcome by the burdens of others. Peter said, “You therefore, beloved, since you know this beforehand, beware lest you also fall from your own steadfastness, being led away with the error of the wicked;” (2 Peter 3:17). Anyone who takes the time to offer a helping hand can fall victim to this. If you do not offer yourself time and opportunity to properly vent you can be overcome by these pressures. I do believe that this is the basis behind this verse, “But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.” (I Corinthians 9:27)

Part of the discipline that Paul spoke about was learning how to vent and whom to vent to. Without an avenue of release we can easily succumb to the stress and pressures that come with counseling. We cannot vent to just anyone yet there is a need to vent. We can do so with God but there also arises a need for some form of feedback. So where do we turn, to whom can we turn to? “For by wise counsel you will wage your own war, And in a multitude of counselors there is safety.” (Proverbs 24:6) I believe that it is important to discuss with other counselors that which you are going through with counselees. You do not have to expose any vital information but use the opportunity of the fellowship with another counselor to discuss that which has crossed your desk. Their counsel is invaluable, they are a resource that is plentiful and they provide a proper avenue to vent, to release the burdens that have been gathered. They help clear a way to better focus on personal burdens. And above all it is biblical notice Proverbs 24:6 above and Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.”

Taking Time to Help and to Heal / Part 1 of 2

All verses taken from the NKJV unless other wise noted.

If you have been saved for any length of time you have most likely spent a part of your time helping someone who is hurting. It is what God had intended for us to do; we are to help one another. For those, who like myself, are Biblical counselors, we spend a part of our lives weekly counseling others through their problems that life had thrown at them. We search the Scriptures for that which will help bring hope, or bring relief from problematic situations which may be as minor as choosing the hard left over the easy right while others we deal mostly with devastating lives that have been train-wrecked (so to speak.) It is the calling of all of God’s people to help one another, “Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. (2) Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:1-2) it is also the calling of God for the few who will take the time to dig deeper, to step into the mire with the hurting and help them to break free of the bondage that sin has them in.

God tells us that we are to make ourselves available to others helping them to recover from a fall. As we help those who come to us we must also maintain our closeness with God, family and reality. If we fail to do so we can fall victim to the pressures that we are helping others with and end up in a ditch on the side of the road, not able to help anyone not even our selves. Whether we are a trained counselor or a layman reaching out to help someone, I hope that these thoughts may be of help to you as I attempt to address a problem that I have seen among counselors.

When I speak of counseling, I am referring to the help offered to others which is Christ-centered, comprehensive, and compassionate. It will be Biblically based and rely upon the Holy Spirit to provide the truths needed in regards to the problems people face. We are called to provide solutions to those in need through the hope of the Scriptures. We also seek to empower people and encourage them to exalt and enjoy God and to love others as taught in Matthew 22:35-40. If we do so we help bring them into agreement and communion with Christ.

What frightens most believers is that this involves a certain amount of confrontation of which they strive to shy away from. It takes confrontation but more so it must be done in a spirit of love and it must be Biblical. Biblical confrontation a vital part of every believer’s personal ministry. It involves more than witnessing it also includes counseling which is the giving of hope, comfort and care to those in need. This is evident in Colossians 1:28, where Paul declared: “Him we preach, warning every man and teaching every man in all wisdom, that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus.” I have noticed that fear drives many believers away from helping others and that is more of a fear of the sin of the other. A good example of this thought is found in Jude. “Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. (22) And on some have compassion, making a distinction; (23) but others save with fear, pulling them out of the fire, hating even the garment defiled by the flesh.” (Jude 1:22-24) In this passage we find that the flesh referred to is basically the sin nature. What Jude is speaking of here primarily is in regards to sexual sins. These sins that spring forth from man’s sin nature. They become manifest in the many inappropriate deeds done in the body. The sin is not transferable but does cause many to shy away from those caught in sexual sins. We often find believer treating those caught up in sexual sins as if they are lepers and avoid them instead of helping them.