Thoughts on Unforgiveness: Part 8 of 8

Unforgiveness does not have to continue, there is a way to rid our hearts and lives of it. Is it easy? It sounds as if it is but it is not. It takes time, it takes patience and it takes faith in God. The last part of James 4:2 says, “…yet ye have not, because ye ask not.” We have not because we ask not, that is so true but James 4:3 continues, “Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.” The reason we have not gotten the answer to our prayer of unforgiveness is because we pray for an answer that suits us and not God. The first person that we need to ask to forgive us is God. It is God that we have ultimately sinned against. There are really only two parties in the area of unforgiveness that you have any direct access to. That is yourself and God.

God has already promised that if you forgive He will forgive. With this in mind, we find that we only have ourselves to deal with in this area of unforgiveness. We can ask for forgiveness of others but there is no guarantee that we will get a favorable response. So what do we do then? We ask them to forgive us then we turn lose of it and place that in the hands of God. The key is to turn it over to God and turn loose of it. I did say that this is not easy but it is what God expects of us. It is what God commands us to do.

These steps that must be taken to achieve forgiveness may seem hard and focused between you and God but once put into practice (as they should) the help you receive from God strengthens us. This help from God is in the form of two very familiar five letter words, “Faith” & “Grace”.

In asking others and God for forgiveness by Faith we trust God through faith to stay true to His word and forgive us of our unforgiveness. Then are we trust God for the rest. God through Grace, gives us the peace to move on. We rely upon the Grace of God for peace whenever that person comes to your mind. Peace to help you remember the promise that you made and peace to remember the Grace of God at work in your life to keep you from returning to the mire of unforgiveness. Peace to remove thoughts of the hurt or offense. It is through Grace we are reminded of the faithfulness of God. It reminds you that you have chosen to forgive, and each time it will get easier because the Lord will give you the strength.

Once you have done this, and “choose” to walk in love through faith and obedience, in the future you can fully understand why we are called conquerors. “Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.” (Romans 8:37) We are called conquerors, not through our strength, but through Christ.

One final note, I would like to take a moment to look at what the Bible says about forgiveness. For true forgiveness to take place we must remember that first of all we should not respond in uncontrolled anger. Second, we need to learn to use a soft and kind response and tone of voice. Notice the following verses: Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” Proverbs 29:11, “A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.” Ephesians 4:26, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:”

When you are wrong, when you have done or said something wrong or offend others you need to respond immediately. The longer you delay the longer others are hurting and the greater the risk that this delay might cause them to hold unforgiveness towards you. To avoid the possibility of sin by either party you must act. First, admit that you are wrong or that you have wronged them. Second, you ask for forgiveness even if you feel that they wronged you. Ask them to forgive you for your actions. Third, you might go the extra mile and ask how you can change (if you have wronged them). Here are a few verses that might help: Proverbs 12:15, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.” Proverbs 21:2, “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the LORD pondereth the hearts.” Matthew 5:23-25, “Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; (24): Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift. (25) Agree with thine adversary quickly, whiles thou art in the way with him; lest at any time the adversary deliver thee to the judge, and the judge deliver thee to the officer, and thou be cast into prison.” James 5:16, “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”

Finally, when you ask someone to forgive you or when someone confesses to you, and asks for forgiveness you are to forgive them. By forgiving them you are making them three promises to be sure that there is forgiveness. First: You promise to Never bring it up to that person again. Second: You promise to Never bring it up to anyone else again. And Finally: You promise to Never bring it up to yourself again. Here are a few verses which will help to support this: Proverbs 17:9, “He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.” Ephesians 4:32, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.” Colossians 3:13, “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” I Peter 4:8, “And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.”

In conclusion I am reminded of the words of the Apostle Paul, “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, (39) Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39). Nothing can separate us from the love of God which is in Christ, but our desire for the love of sin hinders us from fully experiencing that love and joy which is in Christ.