This attitude is unacceptable!

You stated several times, “I am not going to make it through this? I will fail.” I must tell you that stating “I am not going to make it,” is a defeatist attitude and that is unacceptable. If you plan to fail you will fail. You are not the first to go through a rough divorce, and you are not the first believer to go through one nor are you going to be the last. God tells us that there will be testing’s and trials. No one knew that better than the Apostle Paul, “And when they had preached the gospel to that city and made many disciples, they returned to Lystra, Iconium, and Antioch, (22) strengthening the souls of the disciples, exhorting them to continue in the faith, and saying, ‘We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God.’” (Acts 14:21-22) That last statement says a lot, “We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God.” Paul tells us that there will be “Many Tribulations.” This is something to which the apostle Paul could honestly testify since he did suffer “Many Tribulations.” If in the Scriptures testify to this then all believers will have to endure them.

Read this brief note from C.H. Spurgeon, “God’s people have their trials. It was never designed by God, when He chose His people, that they should be an untried people. They were chosen in the furnace of affliction; they were never chosen to worldly peace and earthly joy. Freedom from sickness and the pains of mortality was never promised them; but when their Lord drew up the charter of privileges, He included chastisements amongst the things to which they should inevitably be heirs. Trials are a part of our lot; they were predestinated for us in Christ’s last legacy. So surely as the stars are fashioned by his hands, and their orbits fixed by Him, so surely are our trials allotted to us: He has ordained their season and their place, their intensity and the effect they shall have upon us. Good men must never expect to escape troubles; if they do, they will be disappointed, for none of their predecessors have been without them. Mark the patience of Job; remember Abraham, for he had his trials, and by his faith under them, he became the ‘Father of the faithful.’ Note well the biographies of all the patriarchs, prophets, apostles, and martyrs, and you shall discover none of those whom God made vessels of mercy, who were not made to pass through the fire of affliction. It is ordained of old that the cross of trouble should be engraved on every vessel of mercy, as the royal mark whereby the King’s vessels of honour are distinguished. But although tribulation is thus the path of God’s children, they have the comfort of knowing that their Master has traversed it before them; they have His presence and sympathy to cheer them, His grace to support them, and His example to teach them how to endure; and when they reach ‘the kingdom,’ it will more than make amends for the ‘much tribulation’ through which they passed to enter it.” (We must through much tribulation enter into the kingdom of God, C.H. Spurgeon)

Spurgeon knew of the great tribulations and was known to suffer great bouts of depression but he continued on as did Paul when he suffered the many tribulations that he went through. Believers are not new to tribulations but when we go through them they are new and real to us but we can learn from others who have suffered and gone through them. I like that last statement “…God’s children, … have the comfort of knowing that their Master has traversed it before them; they have His presence and sympathy to cheer them, His grace to support them, and His example to teach them how to endure;” How wonderful it is knowing that He is there and will continue on with us through the trials and tribulations that we suffer.

Divorce is an unnatural act in the kingdom and realm of God; it is a tearing apart of that which God had intended to remain together. Notice what Jesus said in Mark 10:6-9, “But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ (7) For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, (8) and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. (9) Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.’” If we take a closer look at verse 8 we see that He tells us that “the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.” When we make that covenant with God we became one flesh in the eyes of God. Divorce is more than just a separation it is, as I earlier stated, a tearing apart of that which God had put together as one.

When one party divorces the other they do just that, they tear or rip apart that which God joined together. What ever the reason, what ever the cause it is always painful and not natural in the eyes of God. What we are called to do after divorce is unnatural to the state of man. We are to join ourselves back to God as we were before marriage and look at that relationship as that which He would have us to have. “Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. (35) And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.” (1 Corinthians 7:27 & 35) The problem you are experiencing now is you are bogged down in your desire for that which has been ripped from you. Your life is not over, you need to move forward but you will never move forward beyond where you are unless you accept the fact that this chapter of your life is now over.

Can God put it back together? Certainly. Will He? I do not know but what I do know is that His plan for you is to live your life for Him. Everyone who has gone through a divorce must do their best to move closer to Him, and focus on Him and above all wait upon Him. If you do not move on toward God you will bog down where you are and it will be there in the mire you will stay, anchored to your past. Soon to be caught up in the dull drums of self pity, stagnate in life reliving the past in your mind always looking back. With your focus on self and the past that which you try to do for God is lost in the downward spiral that you are trapped in. Remember what Jesus said to those who said that they wanted to follow him? “And another also said, ‘Lord, I will follow You, but let me first go and bid them farewell who are at my house.’ (62) But Jesus said to him, ‘No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.’” (Luke 9:61-62)

Moving on is hard enough to do but when we add to that the idea of letting go of someone or something it makes us realize that we cannot do this thing called life by ourselves. We need help and we need His help most of all, it is Christ that gives us the strength to let go, to move on, and to live life again. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

You ask how do I do that? How do I move on, how do I get past this? You do so by not looking back, forget anniversaries of past hurts’ and failures. They are the past and that is where they belong, “in the past.” They are not to be used a milestones for the future. They are not the ornaments we need for our future life. Our present and future belong to Christ and He must be where our focus is to lie. Notice what Paul says in Philippians 3:13-14, “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, (14) I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

You are starting life over, you are faced with a new life, new relationship with God. Move away from the Maelstrom that is drawing you down and sucking the life out of you. Step forward facing God; He loves you and desires the new relational fellowship that He is offering you. It is not until you break free from the past, until you put it behind you that you will be able to experience the wealth of a new relationship with Christ.